wednesday one-liner.

one day late....courtesy of Overheard in New York:


Woman: And I am not going to Los Angeles just to have my horoscope read by the psychic cat.

--42nd & Lexington

i'm behind.

now that i have a blog, i feel like my 9-5 job is just one big inconvienence that gets in the way of blogging. not in the sense that i'm very good at it, but that i could be if i didn't have to sit at this desk for 8 hours a day. because you know, there are SO MANY interesting conversations happening out there in blogland - they're talking about proposition 73 in california (parental notification for minors who seek an abortion), they're talking about segregation in schools, they're talking about the wingnuts who want to ban a potential hpv vaccine because it might encourage kids to have sex. the dino has an interesting perspective on the media's coverage of the latter story, and there's so much more i could say about it (which, in so many words, would pretty much amount to "fucking idiots"). but alas, i will be home in the land of gay marriage and baked beans this weekend, so i won't be able to grace you with my perspective on why the world is going to hell in a handbasket.

there will be, of course, more on that later.

i realize that i am even already behind in topics that i have already committed to talking about! eesh. well, kittens, i did lie about one thing - i actually have nothing whatsoever to say about britney spears' offspring. it could be named cujo for all i care.

hopefully some thoughts on benjamin kunkel and the (re-)rise of the postmodern magazine during lunch. i can't yet decide if i kinda like the guy, or if he's a trust-fund baby blowhard. working on it.

like when they threw all the books onto the fire and john lithgow got mad in footloose.

hey, guess what? it's the American Library Assocation's official banned books week!

check out their webpage on this, it's chock full of highly subversive stuff like a chapter from the chocolate war. no, but really, it's full of interesting tidbits. i tried to put this link up last night, but there was so much traffic those poor little librarians could hardly handle it. so go, and learn about the 100 most frequently challenged books of 1990-2000, find out the difference between a challenge and a ban (seems pretty intuitive to me, but i'll bite), and even download a banned books week poster!

i'm off to see where ulysses ranks on the top 100 list. it better be top 10, or i'm going to be pissed.

subvert the dominant paradigm.

real quick:

gothamist has an amusing post up today recapping the NYT weddings section from this past sunday.

this was my favorite detail, though - check out the third sentence in the listing.

with a name containing that many consonants, i would have made the same decision. right on.

seven things.

stealing from other bloggers (particularly hugo and amanda). it's late, and i'm pondering the direction of my life anyway, so this couldn't hurt.

seven things i plan to do before i die:

1. see the taj mahal
2. see yeats's grave
3. publish something...anything...
4. own a condo
5. put my toes in the pacific
6. read "the feminine mystique"
7. paint a room red

seven things i can do:

1. write a grant
2. feed the cat
3. make BoyCat laugh (if i'm really on that day)
4. decipher many types of theoretical academic jargon (a mostly useless skill)
5. tap dance a triple time step
6. crack my own back
7. convince you that "noel" is, bar none, the best episode of The West Wing ever.

seven things i can't do:

1. tan
2. fully conquer my fear of flying
3. a split
4. put up with poorly reasoned arguments
5. resist a sunday afternoon of watching E! every now and again
6. stop biting my fingernails
7. fully believe or disbelieve in god

seven things that attract me to people:

1. a dry sense of humor
2. good teeth
3. a quick wit
4. compassion
5. a liberal political viewpoint
6. an infectious laugh
7. a large head (preferably with skull cap)

seven things i say most(correct me if i'm missing anything glaring here, people):

1. whatnot
2. christ on a crutch
3. are you serious?
4. that's ridiculous
5. huh? (in response to BoyCat's predisposition to mumbling)
6. you are such a sweet girl (to CatCat, 246 times a day)
7. a variety of curse words

seven celebrity crushes (apparently some bloggers are hesitant to reveal such information, but not i - see aformentioned E! viewing):

1. jacob dylan (i haven't even seen a picture of him in years, but still love him.)
2. chad michael murray (c'mon admit it, he is fricking cute. bonus points for when he was playing tristan on gilmore girls).
3. parker posey
4. harold reynolds (baseball tonight. that man always looks good in a suit.)
5. jenny lewis
6. adam brody
7. john stewart

ok, that didn't really do a lot for my life direction issues, but it did kill half an hour. and it made me realize that number 2 on my list of things that i can't do is problematic for my numbers 1, 2, and 5 on my list of things to do before i die. i should work on that.

old white guys throw down.

i promised you phil donahue, and by god, i'm going to give you phil donahue.

i'm admittedly late to the blogging party on this one, but i can't resist sharing anything involving an 80s talk show host going "mano y mano" with a Fox News blowhard.

the transcript.

and for those of you with a real zest for pundit warfare:

the video.

all the president's men.

so apparently the new show "commander in chief" premieres tonight on abc. oh, come on, i know you all have seen the billboards. the reviews are mixed, and i probably won't end up watching it, but i am interested by some of coverage that's happening around the show. jonah goldberg of the ever enlightening national review is convinced that a show about a woman president would be bo-ring, and his colleague kathryn lopez cites a ridiculous email that argues because geena davis' character moves into the presidency via an assassination, rather than winning it outright, the Equal Rights Amendment is bullshit.

or something like that.

anyway, i'm not even going to bother getting into whether or not this is a "feminist" show, or "feminist" premise, or anything else like that. i'm not sure whether the existence of the show will soften the american public up to the once-abominable idea of a person with ovaries occupying the oval office. however, i will admit to this: a few weeks ago, i was watching tv and an extended promo for the show came on. i watched with mild interest as they laid out the characters and the premise. near the end of the promo, geena davis' character has accepted the presidency and is preparing to deliver (i'm assuming) her first state of the union speech. the setting is the back of the congressional hall, and as the doors open you see geena davis standing there, and you hear it announced, "ladies and gentleman...the president of the united states."

call me corny, but that was a rush.

amherst's finest.

just when you think amherst cops couldn't seem any more ridiculous.

as SisterCat, who is also a umass alumna, so succinctly put it: "it's called a party."

words.

i have decided that i hate the word "chug." this is not really surprising, as my most hated word in the entire known universe is "chuck." take out the "ck," replace with "g"...yup, still hate it.

nobody should ever chug anything. there is really no good reason for it. even in the college drinking sense.

i also decided the other day that "syndicate" is a frightening word. more so than "mafia," or "mob," or "corporation," or even "conglomerate." You know, all those words are sort menacing in a boxy, hard-edged way. "syndicate" sounds elegant and soothing, but it actually implies something vast and powerful and slightly insidious. so i am officially frightened of syndicates.

allergies, cats, and the government.

ok, i'm back from the wilderness, and i have allergies. i am not enjoyable to be around right now. so instead of subjecting you all to my grumpiness, i will attempt to post a picture. here goes....


oh, i am a goddamn genius. this is dottie (or shall i call her CatCat, and embrace the redundancy?), and this photo was taken on the day we brought her home from the animal shelter.

since i hear that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, i will shamelessly ape onto Amanda's tradition of friday cat blogging from here on in. i will not, however, do the friday random ten, because my music collection is admittedly lame, and i have about 5% loaded onto my iPod anyway. maybe someday, when i have over 75% of it on there and i have fully embraced my not-lame-in-a-hip-way-but-honest-to-god-lame lameness, i will begin to share.

i'm also going to talk about the West Wing now (forget what i said about not subjecting you to my grumpiness 5 minutes ago, i've changed my mind). i didn't realize until about 7:30 that the season premiere of West Wing was even on, so i have nothing to say on the first 30 minutes of the episode. in reality, i don't have a whole lot to say about the episode in general, but two things i'd like to note now:

1 - the josh and donna storyline is going to be good this season. and really good, not just the almost good it's been for the last 2 or 3 seasons. like season two good.

2- i would like to state for the record that i think having CJ be the leak and running a whole storyline around her sordid downfall would *suck*. CJ has been a seriously kick-ass character for seven seasons, complicated and interesting and powerful and all around fricking great. if she goes out on a "i sacrificed everything because i really had the hots for this guy," as they're implying could be the case, i will be sorely disappointed. just sayin'.

you'll probably hear about the West Wing from me every Sunday night from here on in. and the OC on thursday nights. so....be prepared for my over-involvement in fake people and their fake (but oh-so-fortunately for me, intensely dramatic) situations.

ok, ok, one more.

i was going to wait until next week to start breaking out some favorite snippets from the world's funniest website, Overheard In New York, but i just couldn't help myself with this one:

Woman: Does this bus go to the Garden?
Bus driver: No, the M10 or 20 goes to Madison Square Garden.
Woman: Not that Garden; Olive Garden!

--M104 bus

suburban inanity, i can't get enough of you.

the wilderness.

so i won't be posting this often during the work day all the time. the reasons for this today are multiple. one, i just started this blog and i am like a child on christmas morning, playing with the shiny new trainset until she gets sick of it and wanders away to take a nap. two, today is slow as hell in non-profitland. i don't know where everyone disappeared to, but they sure aren't calling us and/or needing us in any capacity. three, i am narcissistic and egomaniacal.

after this veritable avalanche of posts, i will be retreating to the wilderness, i.e. central illinois, for a little camping trip with BoyCat and the pseudo-cats-in-law. there is allegedly some sort of apple based fesitval near the town where BoyCat went to college, and though that town is a stinking hole of failing industrialism (sorry sweetie), apparently the festival is in a distinctly quainter location. we have already purchased rum with which to spike the voluminous amounts of apple cider that we will purchase.

and i totally just spilled diet coke all over the front of my shirt.

happy friday, everyone. on the horizon: thoughts on writing and 'the feminine,' war protests, britney spears' offspring, and phil donahue.

cardinal law's backroom vatican influence?

lord knows that this is an issue near and dear to his heart. the vatican has come up with the brilliant idea of banning gays in seminaries. eureka! why didn't we think of this sooner?? the solution to the priest shortage of massive proportions is to prevent more people from being priests.

backwards solutions to non-problems, and a total lack of solutions for raging problems. sounds like the catholic church i know. i sincerely hope that this helps Bernie Above-the-Law sleep at night. but who am i kidding - i don't think that man has ever lost a wink of it.

huh.

i have no idea why the font on the last post is different than the first. but i think i kinda like the bigger font better. so, i think i'll go with it. for now.

the whole chicken little thing never gets old.

perusing Yahoo! news today, I came across this little gem about why the apocolypse is upon us, i.e. men have it tough these days.

i, shockingly, have a hard time reading articles like this one with a straight face.

"Today, visitors to college campuses can't help but ask: Where are the boys?"

um, they're all around you. they still comprise 45-50% of college campus populations, as far as i know. i just got out of graduate school fairely recently, and there was no shortage of guys wandering around. this is ominious? christina hoff sommers, are you moonlighting as a USA Today reporter these days?

the ruminating on the potential cause of this huge lack of frat boys is even better.

"Some say female teachers in elementary and middle schools, where male teachers are scarce, naturally enforce a girl-friendly environment that rewards students who can sit quietly — not a strong point for many boys, who earn poor grades and fall behind."

as if we haven't had predominately female teachers in elementary and middle schools since time immemorial. this "crisis" of boys' education has only been documented in the last 20 years or so. what gives there, huh? must be that all female teachers have decided, through their magic teacherly collective unconscious (powered by their collective 'female intuition' of course), to start ignoring boys just over the last two decades. it's a conspiracy! down with the white-haired ladies in flower-printed dresses! the end of society as we know it is nigh.

thank goodness Kim Gandy is around to set things straight.

you knew that this was bound to happen.

ok, well. here is my new blog. you must be surprised that i've waited this long to start one, narcissistic wench that i am. as our pal oscar wilde has famously noted, i can resist everything except temptation. so, i gave in and appeased the blogger.com gods with this offering, a blog about...well....stuff. maybe not even terribly interesting stuff. i'm going to try to use this space as more of a forum for thought exploration and arguing with myself (you know how i love to do that), rather than a more personal journal space. if you were hoping for minute-by-minute breakdowns of my days, well kittens, you have sadly come to the wrong place. don't cry too much about it.

oh, and just because i have a blog now, that doesn't give you an excuse not to call me. or email me. i still have needs, people.

anyway, enjoy. comment freely.