Wednesday, October 10, 2007

your wednesday one-liners.

that's right, plural. this whole section of Overheard in New York today was so good i had to post it for you wholesale. if you don't live in the city and don't know first hand the scourge that is commuters trying to hold the goddamn doors, well - consider yourself lucky.

i just wish DC train conductors were this fresh. then at least i would get a laugh out of the situation.

Conductor: This Eighth Avenue-bound L train is now an express train to Eighth Avenue because a couple of you are idiots who thought holding the doors would get you where you're going faster. I hope this teaches you all a lesson.

--Union Square

Conductor: Please do not hold the closing doors! [Fifteen seconds later] Fine, hold the doors! I'm already at work!

--4 train

Indian MTA employee: Please do not hold the doors... [Slightly agitated] Please do not hold the doors! [Very agitated] Are you so stupid! Only someone stupid would hold the doors!

--1 train

Conductor: Do you people realize that there are 30 doors on this train? Must you all do a conga line in front of one of them?! Don't you need music for that?!

--96th St

Conductor: Stop holding the doors! You hold the doors open and the train doesn't run smoothly! And this is the only train in the city that works!

--7 train


Cara said...

Sorry, I need some context . . . why would you want to hold the doors open? What purpose do people think that it serves?

kate.d. said...

so you can try to squeeze onto the train, essentially. like when you try to catch an elevator with doors that are almost closed, and they spring back? like that.

except in DC, the doors are viciously cruel and very rarely spring back. not that it stops people from trying....

Cara said...

Oh. I see. Weird. I got the impression for some reason that people were trying to hold them open while the train was moving or something. I think my brain wasn't working properly last night or something.