Sunday, February 25, 2007

the oscars. in real time. through magaritas.

11:51: i cannot believe how late this year's show is running. they still have at least the four major awards - actor, actress, director, and movie - to give out, if not others, and they are twenty minutes long as it is. this could end up as some kind of record. and i'm not sure how much longer i can hang in. so who'll win? who cares!! good night and good luck.

10:58: it is eleven o'clock on a sunday night, i am on my fifth margarita, and celine dion is screeching in front of a giant oscar statue. thank the baby jesus for the mute button.

10:18: i am not amused by the dancer people. i am amused by the fact that the camera can't seem to focus on them correctly every time they come out to do their kitschy little human sculpture bit. and also, we keep clicking over to E!'s "THS: Curse of the Lottery." i'm sorry, but the trainwreck stupidity of these people who manage to blow $41 million dollars and whatnot is actually way more compelling than the Best Designer category.

oh, and i'm on my fourth margarita.

9:08: my go-to phrase for the evening thus far has been "whoop-ee-di-do." and not in a truly excited way.

7:57: i've been booted from the tv viewing area for a new episode of the simpsons. well, not booted necessarily, but i'm choosing the internet over the show, at least for now. is it me, or is it weird for the oscars to start at 8:30 instead of 8:00? what kind of major show starts on the half hour? bizarre.

7:41: daniel craig is still hot in a tuxedo. not that this is surprising in any way. and queen latifah is still hot in a black dress. also something that i already knew, and am just re-confirming.

ok, so i haven't had a margarita yet, but i have had a glass and a half of wine. so that's a good start. i'll chime in here as the night progresses if the spirit (or really bad outfits and/or acceptance speeches) moves me.

to sum up the red carpet so far: cameron diaz, cate blanchett = fantastic; jodie foster, helen mirren = ehhh (helen looked much better at the globes); jennifer hudson, jessica biel, leonardo dicaprio = um, no. E! likes leo, but i think the bottle of hair gel ruins the whole look.

ok, time to get out the blender.

oh, and beyonce! much improved from the globes!! way to actually dress like a diva, and not some strange runway model from hell.


Toast said...

Whoa. You did not just describe Jodie as "eh". I know you didn't, because that would be flat-out crazy. She looked amazing. Prettiest woman of the evening so far.

educand said...

I'm not watching this, but there are pictures up all over the 'net... Beyonce, well, I don't know what she wore to that other show, but doesn't that beaded guitar-strap thingie look like some alien coral growth? Reese Witherspoon's dress is ok, but that is some weird-ass mop hair. But Cate Blanchett <3 <3 <3 - ahh, she'd look good in a burlap sack, but in that gown... *thud*

kate.d. said...

i'll say it again" "eh." you can't stop me! i dunno, the dress was too criss-crossy in a weird way, and the neckline was iffy, and the earrings were too matchy-matchy, and "eh."

and educand, my impression of beyonce is indeed relative :) you shoud have seen the trainwreck she wore at the globes.

and speaking of *thud*, did you all see eva green and gael garcia bernal presenting together?? oh my god, double whammy.

kate.d. said...

my incorrect usage of quotation marks as colons in the above comment indicates that this fifth margarita should indeed be my last!

DancingFish said...

At least the dancer folks did 'Snakes on a Plane'! That was even better than the car commerical they are currently featured in.

There seems to be a lot of criss-crossy type dresses. I like Gwyneth Paltrows' even though it is a bit different. Cate Blanchett and Rachel Weisz both look stunning.

Toast said...

BEST FILM EDITING??? BEST FILM EDITING AT 11:41 PM??? Fucking fuckers.

educand said...

A few more thoughts -

* I'll see the "eh" on Jodie Foster, and raise it an "I'm an aging lesbian" hairdo. Bleh.

* Boy, was J-Lo ever... subdued, and Mark Anthony looked like an extra from Dawn of the Dead.

* So did Kirsten Dunst. She looked like she'd missed a few appointments with her heroin counselor.

* I didn't love the cut of Ms. Paltrow's gown, but I grant that the color was really good for her skin tone.

* I did find a picture of Eva Green, but she also looked a little zombie-scary goth-chick for my taste. Who is she, anyway?

* Rachel Weisz also carried off the Hollywood-glam thing very well - really, you can't go too wrong with Vera Wang. I had to look up her name in IMDB to learn who she was, though.

* I want to give Cameron Diaz a brush for her birthday. Also, a plastic surgeon. This is not a popular opinion, I grant, but I think the woman is a bubbleheaded troll. She's not smart, she's not pretty, she can't act - what's the point, again?

* Where was everyone else? I kept seeing photos of the same 10 people. Did 2/3 of Hollywood boycott this year or something?

educand said...

Oh, nevermind, I just IMDB-ed Eva Green... she was the not-terribly-cute Bond chick from the last movie. Eh.