Monday, January 14, 2008

long story short.

i'm not sure how to explain this.

for starters, can i just say? therapy? is a good thing. do you have a therapist? well, go get one. because everyone - and i mean everyone, yes even you - could benefit from some quality time with an impartial observer. i've done therapy before, and right now i'm doing it again - this time i'm trying to get a handle on some aspects of my life that make me feel, at best, out of whack and at worst, out of control.

in the course of trying to get a handle on said w(h)ackiness, i've come to some interesting realizations about how i'm actually living life. i know, imagine that - how you live can affect how you feel! rocket science. and yet sometimes, the brain, it wants to avoid these these little life truths - probably because it thinks it's living just fine, thank you, as long as enabling your own neuroses, hang ups, and bad habits is the goal.

but you know, i've gone against a bit of my brain grain and said hey, that's not my goal! i don't want to feel like this anymore!

and my therapist kinda said, well, what're you going to do about it?

she said this in a nice way, of course.

so, long (and somewhat more private) story short, i've decided that one of the things that i really need to do is gain some perspective on what role writing plays in my life and why. i've always been pretty good at writing, and it seems like i've always been writing in some capacity - in school, at work, in my free time. in my life thus far, writing has served as that "thing that i do" -and more to the point, that thing that i'm good at. but underneath all the good grades and good jobs and validation and approval that writing has gotten me, i think i've lost track of the real question: do i really like to write? if this whole enterprise wasn't providing a sort of order and method of achievement for me, if it wasn't providing a space for me to prove that i can keep grabbing brass rings and "doing well," would i want to keep doing it?

in order to find out, i've got to quit. for a while. three months is the rough time frame i've decided on for now - a sabbatical from blogging, from pitching articles, from thinking about where my writing should be taking me or what it should be doing for me. of course, it's a somewhat imperfect plan, because i still spend eight hours a day writing at work, but it's something - and i think it will help.

so, my merry little band of loyal readers, i appreciate the fact that you've read what i've had to say here, whether it's been over the last two weeks or the last two years. if i were a betting woman, i'd say that i'll be back eventually - i have a sneaking suspicion that there is something more to all this, and that it's just buried under a pile of accumulated, um, issues. and i will definitely check back in three months time regardless and let you know how this little life experiment is going.

ok. that's it. thanks again, friends, and see you around blogland.

edited to add: wow. i hit publish thirty seconds ago and i already feel guilty. seems like i'm getting my money's worth from my weekly co-pay, that's for sure...

8 comments:

Jared Goralnick said...

Well, Kate, I for one will certainly miss your writing. But it's great that you're putting yourself first.

I know what you mean, too. I've felt that way about dance, running, and reading at different times in my life--things that I really love and thus got incredibly involved with. But anything to an extreme, anything that gets a lot of attention without a re-evaluation of its worth, is going to upset you and take you down. I still dance and read, but not as much as I've done in the past. I'm really glad about that, too. (Running on the other hand, well, I could use a little more...)

I hope that your escape from blogging and otherwise writing-in-your-free-time proves helpful to you, and offers you perspective. You're wonderful at writing, but you're also good at so many other things (hope to hear that less writing means more happy hours together!). We all want a happy Kate.

Take care, and I'll be thinking about you!

Kate said...

Well, I sure do hope to see you back. But it sounds like you're doing lots of great thinking about yourself, and that's really important.

Best of luck figuring it all out! I will miss your writing, but am so pleased to know that its absence will have the purpose of helping you move forward.

Roni said...

I will be an adult and your friend and say, I will miss your writing and good luck with the sabbatical.

Of course on the inside, I'm pouting. Um, this doesn't cover FB does it?

DancingFish said...

Good luck! I hope you find the answers you are looking for. Or at least the ones you need.

Susanne said...

Will miss reading you, but I absolutely understand why. It took me stepping away from "I must write short stories and get published and, and, and" thing to figure out what I really wanted to be doing.

Lisa said...

I am all for therapy and for doing what you need to do. I'm sorry you're going away for a while but it's so smart of you to take some time to figure out the WHY of things and what it is you really want. It's so easy to get yourself all wrapped up in other stuff and avoid dealing with your own self. Good for you.

Toast said...

(...tumbleweed...)

Anonymous said...

I keep coming back and checking to see if you're back yet!