Thursday, November 08, 2007

a singular enmity, reinflamed.

i hate pantyhose. i hate them so much. i had to wear them for a big work thing this week, and it is only on the rare occasions in which i am forced, by the combination of my choice of outfit, social convention, and plunging temperatures to wear them that i am reminded how much i loathe them. truly. more than most nearly anything that i can think of at the moment.

for instance, i hate pantyhose more than:

1. tracksuits

2. ruthless dictators

3. that gillette commercial where the european tennis guy says, "i never zink about yestaday"

4. french country decor

5. chris matthews

6. people who microwave fish dishes for lunch

7. my car payment

8. anita shreve

9. jumpers

10. jumpers with jelly shoes

11. the state of indiana

12. my sinuses

13. jello with the little bits of fruit inside

14. white wicker furniture

15. global warming, poverty, and every pandemic that ever happened all rolled into one


really, human kind is overrated. pantyhose, however, remain the unacknowledged work of the devil. in which case, you can see there really is no contest.

i mean, god, what kind of company name is "Leggs" anyway?

6 comments:

Toast said...

Does Leggs still sell their pantyhose in those cool plastic eggs? I used to love playing with those when I was a kid.

Heather said...

Tights are generally more comfortable than pantyhose, and I've decided that there are no situations in which pantyhose would be appropriate that opaque stretchy tights are not. So I have bidden farewell to those aggressively evil sausage casings.

jayniek said...

you know i'm with you on this one. pantyhose was invented by the same asshole who invented mushrooms, blue popsicles, and skinny jeans.

kate.d. said...

toast, i mean to say that you have a good question - i honestly can't remember the last time i bought them at all, just grabbing the last unopened package in my bureau. but next time i go to CVS i'll look into it!

and heather, i always felt like opaque tights were worse! i think maybe because i associate them with childhood and the itchy discomfort of dressed up holidays. do they make thicker tights that don't itch or make you feel like your skin is really dry? i'd be intrigued.

Heather said...

Yes, they make comfy knit and stretchy tights, and you can get away with them in fun colors and patterns rather than having to pretend you're not wearing anything on your legs even though they never really match your skin tone. Try www.sockdreams.com for fun ones. Or you can always find some nice comfy tights that are cheap at Marshalls or some such. I'm completely converted.

K said...

Hey, what's wrong with Indiana? If you only experienced it via Chicago, you're not getting the whole experience.