as you've probably heard by now, they put barbaro down today. regular readers will know that barbaro's fall during last year's preakness upset me very much, though i had a hard time articulating precisely why. and now that his fight to survive is over, i feel something strangely different. i am sad, but in another sense - in a more resigned, eroded kind of way. the raw hurt of the days following barbaro's injury - a collective pain that was so evidently a misdirection of sorts, an escape valve for all of us that had other, unsaid things for which to grieve - is long gone, and in its place is the dead weight of inevitability. the knowledge that it was a lost cause, anyway.
and that resignation, that hopelessness could very well be a projection as well; as i said to my mom earlier, after we had heard the news, "i feel like the whole ordeal is/was a metaphor for something in my head - i'm just not sure what." and i know, from the outpouring of care and concern that one horse generated over eight months, that i'm probably not alone in that.
so peace now to you, barbaro, wherever you may find it.