Monday, January 29, 2007

"then it would be time."

as you've probably heard by now, they put barbaro down today. regular readers will know that barbaro's fall during last year's preakness upset me very much, though i had a hard time articulating precisely why. and now that his fight to survive is over, i feel something strangely different. i am sad, but in another sense - in a more resigned, eroded kind of way. the raw hurt of the days following barbaro's injury - a collective pain that was so evidently a misdirection of sorts, an escape valve for all of us that had other, unsaid things for which to grieve - is long gone, and in its place is the dead weight of inevitability. the knowledge that it was a lost cause, anyway.

and that resignation, that hopelessness could very well be a projection as well; as i said to my mom earlier, after we had heard the news, "i feel like the whole ordeal is/was a metaphor for something in my head - i'm just not sure what." and i know, from the outpouring of care and concern that one horse generated over eight months, that i'm probably not alone in that.

so peace now to you, barbaro, wherever you may find it.


DancingFish said...

I found myself calling to tell V about what had happened and wasn't sure why. I just had to make sure he knew and was ok.
This was a great post- very nicely put.

Roni said...

Yes, yes, very nicely put.

I personally hate horse racing and have been just floored at how people have responded to his injury. I love animals. I cried when my sister's cat had to be put down. But a race horse? What's the emotional tie there? But you explained it pretty well. Thanks.