thanksgiving, here again - all sudden bluster and orange leaves and god, how did this year begin to die already - and i am utterly worn out. i don't quite know whether this is a good thing, a bad thing, or just a thing. all i know is that i am tired. i see the reflection of my eyelids in the metro windows and i am a bit shocked, really, at the obvious weight. the evident drag around the edges. my body screams at me for more sleep - it wants more, no matter how much i give it, sleeping in until almost noon on the weekends like i haven't done (regularly, at least) since grad school. it's like my blood is thick, slow moving, and ultimately unable to keep up with the basic, day-to-day things that i demand of it.
will this pass? i hope so. for a generally high-strung person like me, this level of lethargy shifts from soporifically enjoyable into gratingly discordant in a very short amount of time, and then trying to force the square pegs of my type-a impulses into these little round holes of apathetic behavior is akin to repeatedly attempting to use a moving turntable for a pillow.
in other words, i am not quite myself.
i'm hoping this coming holiday offers a bit of a respite and a chance for me to figure out what needs adjusting. we'll be off in the blue ridge mountains with BoyCat's family for awhile - i think the change of scenery can only help things. i'm going to put on a fleece and a winter hat, hike up a trail, read a book, drink some wine, and try to kick start this mysterious little motor that is my head. see you next week.