Wednesday, January 10, 2007

an illuminating anecdote.

so, we just got home from the wizards/bulls game, for which BoyCat got some free tickets last week. a free NBA game? sure! we ate some nachos, yelled at some bad basketball/bad coaching/bad officiating, and laughed in horror at the "burrito break" right before halftime. the "burrito break" consisted of people situated throughout the arena throwing chipotle burritos into the crowd. now, you all know i love me some chipotle, but those things were not meant to be projectiles. i was actually, literally cringing.

oh, and really, what's with the complete and utter lack of offensive rebounding in the NBA? i know the NBA is not known for its sense of urgency, but even with that knowledge, i was still really taken aback by how lackadaisical the players were in going after offensive rebounds. actually, they didn't even "go after" offensive rebounds per se; it was like their teammate was either going to make the shot, or he wasn't. if it came off the rim and fell right into their hands, great, otherwise, they were off in the other direction. it was pretty sad.

anyway, burritos and rebounding are not even really what i want to tell you about. that is reserved for this shining example of BoyCat's extreme laziness.

those of you who know BoyCat in person are aware that he is not the most, um, energetic person. he has many dazzling and wonderful qualities, but a vast reserve of endorphins is not one of them. he tires easily. he sleeps like a champion. overall, he is the living embodiment of the "an object at rest..." newtonian law.

so yesterday, i am in the kitchen and BoyCat is lying on the couch in the living room. the couch is positioned against one of the kitchen walls, so i cannot see him. i have just vacated the other couch in front of the tv, in front of which is a coffee table, on top of which is the tv remote. you follow? good.

so, i put something in the microwave, i don't remember what. the microwave starts to run, and i remember thinking, "he's probably going to want to turn up the volume" (the kitchen is open to the living room, and the microwave's kinda loud). not ten seconds after i think this, i hear the remote clatter off of the coffee table, along with a big dull thud against the carpet.

i'm like, "oh my god, he just fell off the couch."

yes, folks, BoyCat is so lazy that he attempted to stretch the upper half of his body halfway across the living room in order to snatch the remote from the table without actually leaving the couch. in attempting this noble and dangerous feat, he managed not only to miss the remote, but to fall off the couch as well.

as i came around the corner, i saw him sprawled out on the floor, laughing. i said, "you know i'm blogging about this." he just laughed some more, and reached across the floor for the remote.


dorothy rothschild said...

That sounds just like something I would do, the lounging forth to try to reach the remote and then falling. In fact, I think I have done that. At least once.

Jason said...

You have it totally wrong, lady. I stretched out, put my hands on the edge of the coffee table, and pushed down to create a tilt which slid the remotes towards me and down to the floor. I put too much weight off the couch and when the table tilted (sliding the remotes to the floor well within my "clutch-zone"), my front half, and only my front half, hit the floor.

I didn't just lunge willy nilly like a drunken puma. It was an almost perfectly orchestrated strategy.