it's time.

it just is.

this blog has been a great thing for me, served a really useful role as i flailed my way through my mid-20s. (this is not to say that i'm not still flailing my way through my late 20s, but i digress.) i have really enjoyed doing it.

but.

i think i'm done. i haven't written in over two months - i don't really have a strong inclination to do so. this could just be a big lull, or this could be a tectonic shift in who i am and what i do. this is not to be dramatic - i just don't know. but i have the strong sense that i should hang it up here. maybe i'll pick up some place again somewhere down the line, in some different way. or maybe by then, we'll all just be directly plugged into one another's brains and there will be no need. oh, and hover cars. there will be hover cars.

so anyway. thank you to everyone who took the time to read what i wrote here. i really appreciate it. if we're not connected on facebook and you'd like to be, drop me a line.

bye.

update.

i haven't posted in a while. i know. i haven't quit. yet. but i'm just going to write when i have something i want to say...or i guess, more specifically, something i want to write, because i say stuff all the time.

you know.

anyway we are under contract for a place, which is one of a few reasons my brain is generally elsewhere. it's a co-op. co-op financing makes my head hurt a little bit. actually, all aspects of homebuying make my head hurt a little bit. it's good, though. (the homebuying, not the headaches.)

i'm calling the home inspector tomorrow. he's known as "the deal-killer." but when it comes to home inspections, i'd rather have him on my side than the guy known as "ehh, it'll be fine."

more later.

things i have been doing lately.

deciding to buy a house.*

freaking out about buying a house.

mixing white wine and champagne.

getting yelled at.

having trouble sleeping.

moisturizing.

almost falling down the metro escalator.

paying vet bills.

rubbing weird medicated stuff on my cat's face.

trying not to think about how much cat surgery next month will cost.

thanking the baby jesus that we got a tax return to cover it, at least.

pondering a run for the border.

freaking out about buying a house.



*when i say house, you all realize i don't really mean "house," right? i mean condo. 600-700 sq feet of glorious urban living. actual single family houses in the district are either a) in a neighborhood where gunshots are not out of the ordinary or b) prohibitively expensive. hell, most condos are bordering on prohibitive. do you know how much it costs to live in an east cost city these days??

/freaking out. for now.

48 things meme.

more meme time, as i'm running a little dry on blog fodder lately....

1.WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
my first name is just one my parents liked, though my dad always tried to convince me it was after katharine hepburn. my middle name is the name of the virgin mary’s mother, saint anne. except i don’t get the ‘e’.

2.WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
i came very close on January 20th.

3.DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
oh no, it’s pretty bad. i have to translate for jason all the time.

4.WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
i don’t eat lunch meat anymore, but when i did it was ham.

5.DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
noooooooooo.

6.IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
i’d like to think so, but i guess it depends on the type of person i’d be if i were another person. you know? right.

7.DO YOU USE SARCASM?
sparingly.

8.DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
yes.

9.WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
not a chance in hell.

10.WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
cinnamon toast crunch.

11.DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
most of my shoes don’t actually tie, they slip on or zip. i don’t tie my gym shoes when i take them off, i untie them to put them on. does that seem backwards? probably. oh well.

12.WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
cookie dough.

13.WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
their facial symmetry, on an unconscious level. isn’t that true for everyone? consciously, i notice how loud they are, relatively speaking.
14.RED OR PINK?
red.

15.WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
i have a tendency to be judgmental.

16.WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
the guy who cooked the waffle fries at Our House. alistair cookie.

17.DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST?
no, I refuse to be a meme bully!

18.WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
black yoga pants, no shoes.

19.WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
the sound of mythbusters on the tv in the other room.

20.IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
cerulean blue.

21.FAVORITE SMELLS?
lilac. roasting garlic. clean cotton sheets.

22.WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
jason, as we tried to coordinate happy hour meet-up locale.

23.DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
i took it from toast’s blog, and yes i like toast.

24.FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
pro football and march madness.

25.HAIR COLOR?
that’s classified.

26.EYE COLOR?
blue.

27. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
omg don’t get me started. i did. But now i can’t. because my eyeballs went crazy and decided they hated them. wtf, stupid body.

28.FAVORITE FOOD?
this is really hard – but I’d say mexican, as a category.

29.SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
both, but the each have their drawbacks.

30.LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
iron man. it was pretty good.

31.WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
black tank top - it's 50 degrees here today and our heat is still on!

32.SUMMER OR WINTER?
winter, if these are my only options! you can always put on more layers but you can only take so many off, you know? (cue some dirty joke about taking off clothes, yeah yeah i know. but you see my point here people.)

33.HUGS OR KISSES?
hugs.

34.MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
i dunno, anyone looking to kill some time who hasn’t done this already!

35.LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
your mom.

36.WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
the haunting of hill house by shirley jackson

37.WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
i don’t have a mousepad.

38.WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
nothing, see #30 above.

39.FAVORITE SOUND(S).
a carillon. the ocean. dottie purring.

40.ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
stones.

41.WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
dublin.

42.DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
no, not really. i mean, nothing i could take on the road or anything.

43.WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
lawrence, massachusetts.

44.WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
oh enough of these other people questions, we’re talking about me here!

45.HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
we were in the same graduate program at boston college.

46.DO YOU BELIEVE IN EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL INTELLIGENT LIFE?
without question.

47.HOW OFTEN DO YOU REMEMBER YOUR DREAMS?
fairly regularly. i just had a dream the other night about a person i haven’t seen or thought about in years, and then the next day he friended me on facebook. weeee-oooooo weirdness!

48.HOW MANY MORE YEARS DO YOU THINK YOU HAVE ON THIS EARTH?
according to the mayans, just under four. i'm hoping their calculations are incorrect.

the evening's activity.

i just took the jeopardy online test. you know, for kicks.

i now feel really, really dumb.

man fifteen seconds go by fast.

air and simple gifts.

like most of the other two million people that joined me on the national mall yesterday, i'm having a hard time figuring out a way to talk about being at the inauguration, the entirety, experience of it all.

so i will start with the temperature. people, it was fucking cold.

now, i'm a new englander who spent a few years in chicago, so i am not exactly new to this whole winter weather business. however, i also don't usually make a habit of standing outside in it for five hours straight. however layered-up you are, in that amount of time, you will get cold. you will get freezing. you will begin to assert the impossibility of the existence of god. you will curse the existence of government in the first place, because without it goddammit we wouldn't all be out here in the first place. damn you founding fathers, damn you!

then your fingers actually go numb.

we started the day earlier than anticipated - my parents had set out for their silver ticketed area destination around 6:15, and we were going to leave around 7:30 or 8:00. however, cnn helpfully showed us the waves of people descending on the mall before the sun had even come up, and we decided we better move it. out the door at 7:15, we made our labyrinthine way along the sound side of the mall (or a few blocks south of it to be precise, as we didn't actually have a death wish) to 14th street and the washington monument. lots of open grass! a slope to aid jumbotron viewing! the capitol dome in view! score. we put our blanket down and settled in to wait.

did i mention the part about my fingers going numb? oh right i did. around 9:30, my ill-fated venture to the port-a-potties (didn't even make it halfway there, crowd was too thick) made me nearly lose jason in the throng - sheer luck and a memorable tree saved me from lost kid hysteria. and around ten, the cold having seeped through every layer i had on, the involuntary muscle spasms started. those were fun! but just when i was started to contemplate weeping quietly into my ratty old fleece gloves, there was a sound! music! from the stage! it was starting.

it seemed to take forever to get all the VIP attendees announced and into their seats. did you know there are a lot of members of congress? and joint chiefs of things? and former vice-presidents and presidents that have the nerve not to be dead already?? but at least it gave us something to cheer about when our partisan heroes appeared - lots of love for teddy, and for bubba too. but then, eventually, bush came out.

the booing, it was epic. i think you could probably hear it in new jersey. and i know - i know - he heard it. before he emerged, i considered for a moment what i should do - i questioned whether it was right to boo any standing president, to disrespect the office of the president in that way. but then i thought, you know what? he disrespected the office of the president far more than i ever could - and so i booed. loudly.

the inauguration itself was mercifully brief - compared to the hours of waiting that preceded it - and brimmed with an energy and intensity that is hard to describe. with that many people in a shared space, with a common feeling, it is impossible not to have that consensus become something almost palpable right before it is realized - like it might actually coalesce into something you could grab, touch, hold onto at any moment. we hung onto each other, i think, because we knew it was right there at our fingertips.

before the oath and president obama's speech, there was a classical piece called "air and simple gifts" performed by itzhak perlman, yo yo ma, gabriela montero and anthony mcgill. it was perfectly appropriate to the moment - pieces of nostalgia and alchemy and comfort and comprehension - and it simultaneously seemed to bring everything back down to earth and lift it onto a different plane all together. a woman standing in front of me turned to her right, tilted her face toward the sun, closed her eyes. smiled.

then, the oath of office. it didn't matter than we were on about a three second delay between the video on the jumbotron and the audio from the speakers, and it didn't matter that i couldn't entirely see between the hats and tall heads in front of me. i left my camera in my pocket - i wanted to be completely present at that moment. and i was. and i'll never forget it.

his speech, as you all heard, was very good - not lofty rhetoric, but tailored to the moment, and i thought it worked. and still, even in its pragmatism, it had its moments of high ideals and inspiration - calls to renewal, to service, to the barricades. to be honest, the cynic in me should have been rolling my eyes at points - it all got a little man in the mirror, you know? but guess what - on my more optimistic days, i kinda like man in the mirror. and i do want to make that change. so there, take that, pessimism and doubt! score one for obama - at least for today.

our trek home was nothing short of spectacular, and not necessarily in a good way. i think i was on the verge of being trampled once or twice, there were numerous inexplicable points of human gridlock, and we had to engage in much re-routing and cursing of families that had the audacity to hold hands and try to stay together. i may have kicked an old woman or two, i'm not sure.

kidding. i'm kidding. i think.

i don't even know how long it took us to get back to the apartment. time had ceased to have any meaning by that point. we were a city of momentary refugees, all just trying to get back to where we were from - trudging down side streets in packs, helping each other over concrete barriers, wandering aimlessly down an empty blockaded highway. i have never been so happy to see my building - jason ran, flapping and giddy, down the last half of the back alley, me too tired to do anything but cheer him on. "go, go, you're almost there!" and then we were. home.

all in all, it was one of those crazy once-in-a-lifetime experiences that kicked the crap out of you but was completely worth it. i'm hoping to be able to hold on to this feeling somehow, this real sense of possibility, of re-invigoration. because it only comes along so often, and when it does, boy you've got to grab hold.

be the change. yes we can. let's get back to work.

relapse.

i know better than this. i really do.

and yet how many different news sites did i click on this afternoon? half a dozen, easily - wide-eyed, hand instinctively pressed against the center of my collarbone, taking in the pictures of an airplane slowly sinking into the hudson.

holy. shit.

i am not a good flyer. it was a gradual, somewhat inexplicable devolution from care-free college student who happily flew out of logan in a blinding blizzard to, a few short years later, a white-knuckled 20-something trying to remind herself to breathe during take-off. xanax is the only thing that stopped the downward spiral, and now i don't leave home (ok, don't leave home for the airport!) without it. and i had just - just - gotten to a place where i can open a crossword puzzle and not need to focus on every dip and shift of our ascent to 10,000 feet, or who can continue reading my book while the landing gear comes down and the pools and rooftops come into focus.

then i saw masses of people standing on the wings of a plane. which would be cool, you know, if it were on land instead of partially submerged in a frigid river.

it's a really good thing i'm not flying for another two months. perhaps i should try hypnosis?

hinterland

i am in that nebulous space between sick and not-sick. my body cannot decide which it wants to be. i'm over here all, "team not-sick! team not-sick!" and trying to ply it with copious amounts of tea, cough drops, and vitamin c. i'm headed to a family birthday event tomorrow which will include more than one virginia winery - on any normal day this would fall squarely into awesomeness territory. but at the moment, i just hope that drinking the equivalent of multiple bottles of wine in one day won't put me on the body's bad side. because who are we kidding - i will be drinking it.

mind over matter, right?

we two.

i am purple; she is pink.

i am the lime; she is the salt.

i am the concealer; she is the eyeliner.

i am opal; she is pearl.

i am the toe; she is the heel.

i am the breakwater; she is the wave.

i am the first page; she is the last.

i am structure; she is style.

i am the backbeat; she is the bridge.



i miss her.

their current form.

11:00 pm, christmas eve

i am upstairs in my bedroom at my parents' house. everyone else is downstairs, having already changed out of their clothes and into their pajamas. i am the last one still dressed, as it was my year to put the silver star on top of the tree - a process which gets captured on film, for posterity, each and every year. the wooden stairs creak as usual on my way up, and i snap on the bedside lamp. standing in the center of the room, a small pool of light - i go to take off my earrings.

and then i stop.

i turn and sit, very slowly, on the edge of the bed. i look out the window, ink black and reflective of the room. for some reason, i look at my wrist, my grandmother's bracelet that hangs there - i unclasp it, lower it into my palm. my fingers close around the chain, press against the gold oval that reads

Helen Moore
40 East 61st St.
N.Y. City

i sit. and breathe. and the grandfather clock downstairs patiently chimes out the time.

***

11:00 am, new year's day

i sit at the wooden dining table, the remnants of breakfast cooling on the kitchen island behind me: cinnamon rolls, hash browns, bacon and sausage. coffee, orange juice, tea. on the tv in the living room is a muted football game, feet propped up on couches.

brothers and sisters and aunts and uncles and cousins, scattered about.

i have an eighteen-month old in my lap, and she is creating her own surreal masterpiece with a blank sheet of paper and a 24-count box of crayons. jason oversees an impromtu countertop bowling session with two of the kids. lazy, easy conversation. second helpings.

no rush.

***

some connections are faint but strong - a spider web stretched across the back of your mind. others become clearer every day, like a radio station emerging through the static as you turn the dial. some are monet - some are pollock - some you can only see in outline through the half-light. but if they are important, no matter their current form, they are always, always there.

and they are the whole point.

if you think that i could be forgiven, i wish you would.

it's that time of year.

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?

ha, that's easy - i got married.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

hmmm, let's see. i did mildly to moderately well on my resolutions from last year:

- start approaching life as something to be experienced, not just survived: not there yet, but goddammit i'm working on it.
- cook more: yes, i did - i bring leftovers for lunch all the time.
- run a five-mile race: nope. i abandoned this one purposefully, because i really wasn't into it. i do go to the gym on 5-6 times a week, but life's too short to force yourself onto the treadmill, you know?
- get over myself, in general: again, a work in progress.

for this year, i haven't formulated any concrete resolutions yet. but i think i will.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

nope, i don't think so.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

yes, my grandmother died of cancer in april and my uncle einar died of cancer in july.

5. What places did you visit?

i logged a lot of airline and highway miles in 2008! in chronological order, we hit: chicago for a wedding, vegas for our wedding, downstate illinois for a wedding, home for a funeral, great barrington for a wake, home for a party, downstate illinois for another wedding, and home for christmas. next year we're taking a proper vacation that doesn't involve someone getting married, i swear!

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?

more money would always be great, but i'm not holding my breath on that front. a little less static. a little more peace of mind.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

friday, may second, in the year of our lord two thousand and eight, as they say on the fancy wedding invites that we definitely did not have :) i know i'm not a big proponent of weddings and what not, and i'll always kind of consider january 17th our "actual" anniversary, it was no doubt a major step for jason and me to bind ourselves together in the legal sense :)

8. What was your biggest achievement(s) of the year?

i'd say asking for new title and a raise, and getting them both. that always feels good.

9. What was your biggest failure?

waiting so long to kickstart a process that needed to happen in order to improve my sanity and quality of life. but hey, better late than never.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

i got the flu from HELL back in february. i'm hoping to avoid a similar fate this year.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

plane tickets to vegas! twice actually, as i just booked our flight for next year too, yessssss.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

the person who turned my new ipod nano - which i couldn't have had for over a month - in to lost and found at the gym. amazing.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

everyone who voted for Prop 8 in california. what a step backwards.

14. Where did most of your money go?

rent. and savings. and plane tickets. and hotel rooms. and new ipods.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

i know i sound like a broken record here but vegas vegas vegas. the whole trip was so much fun, and i can't wait to go back next year. mcdonald's breakfast, and blackjack, and fontana bar, and free drinks, and cabanas, and gonzales y gonzales, and....

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?

viva la vida by coldplay. it came out during the height of a lot of emotional stuff, and i heard it often during the summer. i remember driving home on 295 from einar's wake, exhausted on so many levels, and it came on the radio - something about the insistent violins and the rolling drums as i made my way home at sunset - i just cried and cried. sad/beautiful, as they say.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder? hmmm. probably a bit sadder. but i'm hoping for a really good 2009 to return the equilibrium.
b) thinner or fatter? i'd say just about the same.
c) richer or poorer? richer.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

reading. smiling. cleaning. happy hour-ing.

20. How did you spend Christmas last year?

same as every year, back home at my parents' house. and this year we got to meet the newest addition to the family, the little rotund kitten clarice. jason wanted to steal her.

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?

stayed solidly in the "love" camp, yes.

22. How many one-night stands?

zero.

23. What was your favorite TV program?

mad men. wow i was a little obsessed with that show. can you believe elisabeth moss didn't get a golden globe nomination?? scandalous.

24. What did you do for your birthday in 2008?

escaped the DC august heat and headed home - went to a lovely lake party thrown by my family, and also spent much time by the pool. and golfed. yes - i can golf!

25. What was the best book you read?

the brief wondrous life of oscar wao, by junot diaz. though the title drives me crazy - a comma or an "and" pleeeeeease, you're killing me here! also, i became completely enamored with the kenzie/gennaro mysteries by dennis lehane - they are such page turners, i've read each one within 48 hours at most. can't put them down.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?

beyonce! preachin' it! "if you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it" - god i could listen to that damn song 500 times.

27. What did you want and get?

a vacation with jason. a raise. a new phone. stronger muscles. tickets to the dark knight. a new president.

28. What did you want and not get?

a new tv (just have to keep banging on the top of the old one for now). a cat without chronic health issues (awww poor dottie).

29. What was your favorite film of this year?

the dark knight, definitely. that reminds me, i want to put it on my netflix queue to watch again.

30. Did you make some new friends this year?

i did! though i'd like to step up my efforts to get out and see people more - it can be so easy to get into hermit mode. so hey, if you ever want to hang out, let me know! and remind me i'm trying to avoid hermit-tude.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

pretty pretty ponies.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?

basic. key to this year's wardrobe upgrading - more color. my closet is like a sea of black, brown, gray, and white, with a little bit of green and blue thrown in. would it kill me to purchase something red??

33. What kept you sane?

jason. my family. books. naps. booze.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

obama. c'mon now.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?

if you didn't cry on election night, then you have no soul. and if you cried on election night because mccain lost, well...you have no soul ;)

36. Who did you miss?

all my massachusetts darlings, as usual. the absolute biggest drawback to living in DC.

37. Who was the best new person you met?

clarice. oh wait, she's not a person. but whatev, she's a fat kitten and i looooove her.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.

"there are years that ask questions and years that answer." this one felt, in many ways, like one big question mark, so i'm hoping - and working - on getting some answers in 2009.



oh, and i tag toast, because he gets mad at me when i don't! but all you other meme-lovers, consider yourself tagged as well.

trade-offs.

did you know that when you buy a southwest business select ticket, you get a free drink? neither did i! until yesterday, when i needed to employ some travel ninja skills (which mainly consisted of picking up the phone and dialing) to change my flight home from tomorrow to today. trying to sneak myself back into new england between part one and part two of this weekend snowpocalypse. and while it cost me a little more coin, i can't lie - i'm pretty excited about the drink coupon tucked away in my wallet, waiting to transform itself into a glass of white wine.

so, send us some good travel karma and cross your fingers for our on-time departure - i hope you all end up where you want to be this week, too! merry christmas!

note to self.

do not venture out of the house carrying only a small purse, and then proceed to purchase and/or procure:

-four christmas gifts
-eight apples
-one quart of apply cider
-five library books
-four pieces of dry cleaning

and do not - i repeat, DO NOT - forget to bring gloves along for the trip. because your fingers, your forearms, your elbows, and your shoulders? none of them will be very happy with you during the cold, windy six-block walk home.

a declaration.

this happened a few days ago, but i still can't get over it.

these two women are getting on the metro escalator ahead of me in the morning - they are probably late 20s, early 30s. i infer that they're talking about some kind of office holiday party. and one says to the other, "they're only gonna have beer and wine. and you know, i don't drink that shit."

um...what?

so many things about this statement cracked me up, i don't even know where to start. but i think the biggest thing, the thing that has me shaking my head in bewildered amusement days later, was the actual disdain in her voice when she said it. like this was a position that many other people must obviously share with her. i told jason about it pretty much as soon as they were out of earshot, then we were making up other very commonplace things of which to be irrationally disdainful: "water? i don't drink that shit." "food? i don't eat that shit."

but somehow - and i'm just guessing here - i bet her standards for refined imbibing experiences are just flexible enough to allow for the sneaking in of half a dozen nips inside her imitation coach bag.

you've missed her. admit it.

dottie has that peculiar cat habit of desiring to sit on any article of clothing left on the bed. and if there's four loads of clean laundry available, well...



she's into that, too.

perplexing.

yesterday, i was riding home on the metro when i noticed something interesting. i was sitting on a pretty crowded train, and there was a woman standing a few feet in front of me and slightly to my left. she was young-ish - early 20s? - normally dressed in jeans and a gray pea coat, and carrying some type of fat textbook under her arm. on her left wrist was one thick black plastic bracelet, and one thin white plastic...hoop earring.

she was wearing a big white hoop earring like a bracelet. and it wasn't even one of those full hoop types - there was a good inch between the end of the hoop and the metal backing, which was of course still attached. and then.

and then!

i noticed that she was wearing the other earring in her left ear.

a genuine commuting "wtf" moment. i was pissed that i couldn't get a good look at her right ear as i was getting off the train - i would've looked like a crazy person, craning my neck to get a glimpse of this woman's accessories as other riders shoved me out onto the platform. but who knows what i might have found there!

things that are true.

i will wake up...

plan a whole outfit...

febreze the hanger stretch marks out of the shirt's shoulders...

blowdry the spot where i sprayed too much febreze...

get the outfit half on...

and realize the weather forecast for showers means that i probably shouldn't wear the brown suede flats i was planning on wearing. then i will put everything away...

stand in front of my closet for five minutes composing a new outfit...

throw it on and run out the door...

and it definitely -

definitely -

will not rain a drop all day.

i would just like to report...

..that i am 64 pages from the end of The Brothers Karamazov. this is one long-ass book. but the second half? much better than the first. just in case you decide to ever pick it up, you know - soldier through those first 350. it's worth it.

i also need to go to the library soon for some fresh reading material. any suggestions?

paper.

the other night, while lolling about with the family out in virginia, we got talking about the weird things you encounter in college. and i remembered this.

it is the very end of my senior year, late on a may night- 2:00, maybe 3:00 am - and we are walking through southwest on our way back to one of the dorms. we are, unsurprisingly, very drunk.

southwest, for those unfamiliar with umass, is sometimes referred to as the concrete jungle - it is brick and stone and pavement everywhere. five high-rise dorms and a dozen or so smaller ones. we're walking by one of these high-rises when a piece of paper falls at my feet. i look down. and suddenly, there's another. and another. and another. i look up.

paper is raining from the sky. big, white sheets of notebook paper, cascading from somewhere above us, fluttering and diving and sliding to the ground all around us. i bend down to pick one up. it is blank.

they are all blank.

at the time, i just laughed and laughed - the alcohol helped with that, no doubt - but the memory of it still makes me smile today. i think it's because it was so nonsensical - there was absolutely no way to answer the "why?" of it. i mean, who takes the time to cut the screen out of a window twenty stories up, just to toss sheaves of blank paper out of it? who knows. it meant nothing. so, of course, it could mean anything.

i think that's where i'm going to start.

it's that time.

so i haven't posted in like a month. that's bad. but if anything can induce me to log back into blogger, it is that advent of that glorious day - you know the one - my sister's birthday.

it's today, people. today.

i sadly could not be in boston to celebrate with her highness, which i have been lamenting the entire weekend as i hear about the fun that's been had - dinners, parties, drinks, cheap dollar store tiaras, seafood at brown's - i'm missing it all! goddamn jetblue and their lack of reasonable last-minute fares. the facebook pictures are a lame substitute for actually being there. so sister dearest, sorry i couldn't make it, and i hope you've had an amazing birthday weekend.

maybe i'll tag myself in all the pics and note "there in spirit" in parantheticals....that wouldn't be annoying at all, would it?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!