tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17027941.post113988409836026499..comments2023-12-29T01:04:14.708-05:00Comments on a cat and twenty.: otherwise engaged.kate.d.http://www.blogger.com/profile/09967162934828397188noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17027941.post-1139933533289934092006-02-14T11:12:00.000-05:002006-02-14T11:12:00.000-05:00mike, that's a good question. i think there are no...mike, that's a good question. i think there are no hard and fast rules (obviously), which is a good and bad thing i guess. for instance, i work with one woman who "married" her girlfriend (we're in illinois, not massachusetts, so it was a ceremony w/out legal meaning), and she wears a diamond engagement ring and a wedding band. i'm not sure if her girlfriend wears the same, but i'd be interested to know. and for men, there's no real way to signify engagement without going the diamond route, which in a way i find subversive and interesting! but obviously, this would not work for any and all gay men. <BR/><BR/>oh, and you may have to buy me a wedding present - never say never! you can't be rid of your gift giving anxieties that easy!<BR/><BR/>dorothy, your point of "you want what you want sometimes" gets to the heart of my confusion and questioning of this whole issue, i think. because how do we know why we want the things we want? how critical should we be of our own choices and desires, and how much should we go with the flow?<BR/><BR/>these are honest questions that i'm trying to work my way through - thanks for reading as i blather on about it :)kate.d.https://www.blogger.com/profile/09967162934828397188noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17027941.post-1139932738070916442006-02-14T10:58:00.000-05:002006-02-14T10:58:00.000-05:00My ex and I were engaged and he had a ring too...j...My ex and I were engaged and he had a ring too...just a wedding band that we were going to upgrade at wedding time. <BR/><BR/>This time, since we are doing these things for the right reasons, I don't really want a big flashy anything. A symbol of love and commitment can really be anything and down payments on houses, pets, travel are all just as symbolic. And probably way more fun.<BR/><BR/>The whole idea of balancing your own expectations with those of society let alone those of family and friends seems like the most overwhelming part of planning the wedding...DancingFishhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10309494766930447380noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17027941.post-1139932096798009822006-02-14T10:48:00.000-05:002006-02-14T10:48:00.000-05:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.DancingFishhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10309494766930447380noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17027941.post-1139929988177710172006-02-14T10:13:00.000-05:002006-02-14T10:13:00.000-05:00Mr. Benchley asked me back in November to marry hi...Mr. Benchley asked me back in November to marry him. Once divorced, I was skeptical about ever getting married again. I mean why, really? But I know that after about a year with him, I started thinking about that. About getting married. About having a formal commitment to each other than our already understood and verbalized one. <BR/><BR/>When he asked, I said yes. <BR/><BR/>I said yes even though I think that in many ways marriage is bad for women.<BR/><BR/>I said yes even though my gay and lesbian friends can't get legally married.<BR/><BR/>I didn't want a diamond. I think they're kinda silly (plus the whole evil African diamond trade). One would look ridiculous on me. Plus, I could think of other things Mr. Benchley and I could use that money for other than a sparkly rock.<BR/><BR/>For some reason, I wanted an engagement ring, though. So I picked out a little sterling silver band with tiny garnets sprinkled on it. <BR/><BR/>I just wanted something from him. A token. I don't know.<BR/><BR/>The gals at the office were aghast that he didn't get me a big rock.<BR/><BR/>There were tsk tsk tsks all around about no engagement party.<BR/><BR/>Our wedding is going to be super small. And we are not having surf and turf for 500 under a tent.<BR/><BR/>Maybe it's just social conditioning the even wanting to get married. The wanting to have an engagement ring (and I totally would have gotten him one, but he is not the type to wear jewelry).<BR/><BR/>You want what you want sometimes.dorothy rothschildhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13732990831552864423noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17027941.post-1139928499565037122006-02-14T09:48:00.000-05:002006-02-14T09:48:00.000-05:00Okay, I'm very absorbed by this subject right now,...Okay, I'm very absorbed by this subject right now, mostly b/c I'm experiencing it first hand.<BR/><BR/>When you get engaged, all of a sudden there are these societal expectations upon you--you MUST set a date, you MUST abide by tradition, yada yada yada.<BR/><BR/>But ultimately, it's really up to the couple whether or not to abide by the wedding rules foisted upon us by society. It's really about what you want, personally. Personally, I want something atypical. But truthfully, sometimes it's so difficult to question the "norms" and get realistic answers that it seems easier just to go along with the status quo. Maybe that's why so many women do it. Planning a wedding is stressful and difficult anyway--why rock the boat any more than you have to, right?<BR/><BR/>As for the ring--I gave spiceboy an engagement ring. I actually gave him his ring before I got mine. And it means a lot to both of us and I'm really glad I did it. It made me feel like an active participant in the engagement process, and not a "commodity."<BR/><BR/>I could go on, but I'm taking up a lot of space here and I have to do some work.east side girlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14416126234428923593noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17027941.post-1139928441492530852006-02-14T09:47:00.000-05:002006-02-14T09:47:00.000-05:00Ah, yes. This would be the depressing side of fem...Ah, yes. This would be the <I>depressing</I> side of feminism.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17027941.post-1139926568816073582006-02-14T09:16:00.000-05:002006-02-14T09:16:00.000-05:00Well, it's nice to know I don't have to worry abou...Well, it's nice to know I don't have to worry about buying you an engagement or wedding gift. Whoo...talk about a load off of my shoulders.<BR/><BR/>Do you happen to know anything about engagement rings in same-sex marriages? Do lesbian couples buy each other a ring? And would I be expected to buy someone a ring, or is the whole thing pushed aside. And if men do have engagement rings, what do they look like? Somehow, I find the term "Princess Cut" both appropriate and inappropriate at the same time.<BR/><BR/>Just wondering...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com